Your Needs As A Parent Matters

Simply put, we parent better with self care. We can roll with the demands and the chaos in family life easier. When we do less in small ways, we prioritize our needs and do more for ourselves, which really makes a difference in how we show up in our parenting. Was it a rough, super hectic day? Ordering pizza for dinner might just save what’s left of our already shot or frayed nerves. Add some quickly steamed broccoli and carrots, and dinner is ready.

In parenting it’s so easy to lose touch with ourselves. We snap at the smallest of moments, feel utterly exhausted and frustrated at every demand and feel depleted in every way.  I totally relate to this. I felt this way when we were raising our three children that are close in age, and I was a working mom. With increased awareness, I had to put myself on my calendar, on my To- Do list and prioritize me, in small but doable ways.

Having resources is certainly a benefit. Some are fortunate to co-parent with a spouse or partner. Some parents have childcare providers such as nannies, day care, an au pair or sitter. Some are blessed with families and friends that are eager or willing to help out. Great! What if you really have no resources?

Here is where you prioritize you.

In parenting, t’s never easy to put ourselves first. We feel selfish and it just feels wrong. Feelings of guilt come in right away. However, when we think about self-care as being more than pampering, we start to get creative in what self-care looks like. Cheryl Richardson, author of ­The Art of Extreme Self Care, teaches that, “Self care forces us to make choices and decisions that honor and reflect the true nature of our soul.”  Yes indeed. Self care is not selfish. We become our true self when we give ourselves the self care that we are craving.

Self care is not selfish. It’s self sustaining.

It might feel wrong because we’ve been taught and conditioned to feel that way, but I’m here to tell you it isn’t. Self care is the answer to better parenting.

Where can a 10-15 minute walk fit into your day? A nice hot bath before bed? Would a phone call with a friend feel special and fulfilling? Connection with friends and family has a host of benefits, including longevity.

Do you have a hobby that you’d like to pick up again, or maybe begin a new one? Is gardening or knitting something that resets you? Read for a few minutes? How about walking away into another room to pause, decompress and breathe for 2-3 minutes? Perhaps listening to your favorite song a few times in a row helps you feel centered, powerful, happy and more grounded. 

These are small ways we can think about what we need so we can be a better parent. Time in nature has a great impact on our nervous system. It soothes and heals the soul. For me, when I was a working mom with three children, my self-care began wee early in the morning before the three woke up. That’s when I got in my 20 minutes of exercise and meditation, coffee and quiet time in the kitchen. Unloading the dishwasher and putting away the contents of the dish rack no longer felt like a chore. It felt peaceful and I was at ease. Nighttime yoga once or twice a week when my husband came home, was accessible and do-able.

We can change how we care for ourselves

Parent Coaching addresses self-care as a place to start. Addressing the whole parent, not just the parenting, allows for greater change in how we parent, beginning with changing ourselves. While we cannot change our child, as much as we think we can or might want to, all that we can truly change is ourselves, and how we show up in our parenting. One change leads to another, and through self care, we show our family that we are important, that we count and our needs matter. When our child learns that we matter, they will learn from us how to do the same. Self care can be as simple as saying, “After I finish eating my breakfast, I’ll play a game of Spot It with you. Right now, I’m still eating.”

Once you put yourself on your To-Do List, you will find greater patience and calm; a reserve you didn’t know you have, and an ability to parent with love, compassion, energy and joy.