Anxiety Affects Our Parenting
Anxiety is a natural part of life, but when it becomes a constant in a parent's daily experience, it can ripple through the family, subtly influencing children in various ways. As parents navigate their own challenges with anxiety, understanding its potential impact on their child is crucial for fostering a nurturing environment that promotes emotional resilience and mental well-being.
Do you find yourself:
Having difficulty trusting and leaving your child with others
Worrying about them all the time
Always overthinking: they’re eating too little, they’re eating too much.
Limiting your child from taking risks fearing failure, danger or risk of injury
Constant concerns about their development and their milestones, always looking things up.
Fearing their grades are not good enough or they are not excelling enough
You think the worst will happen to your child
The Transmission of Anxiety
Children are naturally attuned to their parents' emotional states and often look to them for cues on how to interpret the world around them. When a parent consistently exhibits anxiety, children may learn to perceive the world as a more threatening or frightening place. This phenomenon, often referred to as "emotional contagion," suggests that anxiety can be "caught," much like a cold. A parent who reacts with significant anxiety to everyday setbacks may unwittingly and unknowingly teach their child to react similarly in situations.
The Behavior We Model, Teaches
Children learn by watching and imitating the behaviors of those around them, especially their parents. If a parent exhibits avoidance behaviors as a coping strategy for anxiety — for example, steering clear of social gatherings or refraining from trying new things due to fear of failure — children might adopt similar behaviors. This modeling can limit their experiences and hinder their development of healthy coping mechanisms.
Impact on Parenting Style
Anxiety can shape parenting styles in profound ways. Highly anxious parents may become overly protective or controlling, often referred to as "helicopter parenting." Helicopter parents hover over their child, and are highly or overly involved in their child’s life. This type of parenting style can stifle a child’s ability to practice autonomy and can increase anxiety in children, being overly involved in their life, and they may feel less capable of handling their own challenges. Conversely, some parents might swing towards under-involvement, perhaps due to their struggles with anxiety, which can lead to feelings of neglect or emotional unavailability. Too much parenting and too little, both impact our child
Effects on Emotional Development
Children raised in highly anxious environments might struggle with emotional regulation. They might exhibit heightened sensitivity to stress or develop fears that mirror their parents'. Long-term exposure to high stress can also affect children’s development of self-esteem and confidence, as they might not receive consistent positive reinforcement or encouragement to explore and learn independently, and face challenges.
Cognitive Consequences
Research suggests that parental anxiety might also impact a child's cognitive development. For example, constant worry and tension at home can create an environment that hampers a child’s ability to concentrate and engage in exploratory play, which is crucial for learning. Additionally, anxiety can distract a parent from providing the responsive and sensitive interactions that foster cognitive development.
Managing the Effects of our Anxiety
First we become aware of our tendencies and actions. Parents who recognize their anxiety and understand its potential impact on their child are better positioned to create change. Mindful parenting practices can help modulate the influence of anxiety on parenting behavior.
Creating a supportive environment where feelings are openly discussed can also alleviate the impact of parental anxiety. Encouraging children to express their fears and providing reassurance can help them learn healthier ways to cope with anxiety. Additionally, parents might find it beneficial to engage in family therapy, which can improve communication and reduce collective family anxiety.
So what can we do to reduce parental anxiety? It starts with us.
Bring in self care. Often we are not caring for ourselves first, and this exacerbates our worries and fears. When we are depleted, our emotions are heightened and intensified.
Use positive self talk: remind yourself over and over, “My child is safe and I trust them to figure it out.” “My child needs to take reasonable risks and learn from them.”
Take on mindful practices to help yourself get more calm and see things more clearly. Meditate, sit quietly for a few minutes, pushing worries and negative fears aside. Find a mindfulness app or video to help you learn to quiet the ever racing mind.
Communicate with your co-parent or partner. Be open to talk and to listen.
Talk with me, a certified parent coach, or meet with a mental health professional .
While parental anxiety can significantly influence children, understanding and addressing these effects can pave the way for more resilient and emotionally healthy families. By tackling their own anxiety, parents not only improve their quality of life but also set the stage for their children to grow into well-adjusted, resilient, capable adults.
