Taming Tantrums In 8 Steps
There are a myriad reasons why children have temper tantrums. You put the ketchup on the burger instead of on the side, and now it’s been declared inedible.
Your child wanted to do it themselves and you zipped the zipper for them.
It’s time to get off the screen and they don’t want to.
Dealing with temper tantrums is a challenge many parents face, particularly during the toddler and preschool years. With help from a parent coach, dealing with tantrums can become easier over time and occur less frequently.
Tantrums are considered outbursts after the preschool years. These emotional tantrums and outbursts are a normal part of child development, and can be so stressful for parents and caregivers.
Understanding why tantrums occur is important. Parent coaching can help you learn how to understand and support your child so that tantrums can be reduced in frequency and intensity, and better emotional regulation can replace them.
Understanding Temper Tantrums
Temper tantrums often begin around the age of one to two as children start to explore their independence, but lack the verbal skills to express their needs, wants, and frustrations.
Common triggers for tantrums include hunger, feeling tired or being overtired, overstimulation, too strict discipline and frustration. In the early childhood years, tantrums are often linked to children testing limits and boundaries.
Also Read | How to Manage Anger
When we say no in our parenting they have a complete meltdown. It’s normal, it’s common and it’s a part of child development. It’s also a learned behavior, and it can be made better.
There are strategies you can use today to tame temper tantrums
Remain Calm: This is most important.
Your response can either escalate or de-escalate a tantrum. Try to remain calm and composed, even when it’s challenging. Take deep breaths, use a calm tone. A composed demeanor can set a positive example.
Prevent The Fire Before It Occurs:
Predict the Triggers: If you know your child gets cranky when hungry or tired, preempt a tantrum by keeping to a regular snack and nap schedule. Have a snack handy in a bag before you leave the house. Anticipate this hunger pang and be prepared. Make bedtime a little earlier for overtired children.
Being consistent and having age appropriate expectations can provide a sense of security and reduce frustrations. Consistent means the same way, each day. “Walls aren't for drawing on, paper is for drawing on. Let’s clean the walls first together, and then get paper for you to draw on.”
Encourage, Teach and Model Communication: Teach your child to use words to express feelings. Even basic phrases like “I’m mad!” or “I need help,” can make a big difference in how a child learns to self regulate. Children who can’t communicate their feelings often experience greater frustration.
Consult with a parent coach expert, who has experience in teaching parents how to tackle the issue.
Acknowledge Feelings:
Connect with your child and validate their emotions and acknowledge their feelings. “I see you’re upset because you can't be on the ipad right now. I know it’s disappointing and makes you mad, ” helps your child feel understood and heard.
Use Distraction and Diversion:
For younger children, quickly diverting attention to another activity or object can sometimes stop a tantrum in its tracks. This is less about ignoring the tantrum and more about helping the child shift focus.
Offer Choices:
Giving your child a sense of control can reduce tantrum occurrences. Offer limited choices that are acceptable to you, like choosing between two snacks, which can empower your child and reduce conflict.
Coregulate:
Help your child self soothe and calm down alongside you, doing it together. Each of you pass the calm feelings onto the other, transferring this energy from parent to child and child to parent.
Teach Problem-Solving Skills:
Help your child learn to solve problems on their own by guiding them through the process of finding solutions. You will be amazed at how effective their solutions can be!
Praise Positive Behavior:
Reinforce positive behavior with mild praise. When your child manages their frustration well, acknowledge their achievement. This can encourage more positive responses in the future. “That math problem was so hard and you didn’t give up. Way to go!”
After the Tantrum
It’s important to reconnect with your child. Offer a warm hug and loving, kind words to reassure them of your love, regardless of their behavior. Positive parenting includes connection and repair. Discuss the tantrum when your child has calmed down, helping them reflect on what triggered the outburst and how it could be handled differently next time.
When to Seek Help
If tantrums increase in frequency, intensity, or continue past the expected age, it may be time to consult with a parent coach and schedule a consultation with me. An increase in tantrums could indicate underlying issues such as emotional regulation difficulties or other child developmental challenges. I am here to help.
Understanding and responding appropriately to temper tantrums is crucial for nurturing a child’s emotional health and maintaining a peaceful home environment.
By applying consistent strategies, parents and caregivers can help children learn to manage their emotions effectively, laying the foundation for long-term emotional resilience.
