Growing Food Autonomy
“Food tastes better when you eat it with your family.”
Ha! This might be a very debatable quote, family by family.
Meal times have been known to be big stressors for so many parents. Whether our child takes forever and a day to eat a small amount of food, refuses to eat what we prepared, plays with their food or gets crazy with their siblings at the table, meal times can shorten our patience and spoil the meal. Our toddler can’t sit still, our preschooler can’t put down the lego’s long enough to come eat, tech, TV, screens and gaming all get in the way to getting our child to the table.
Which of these do you hear yourself say often?
“Take three more bites.”
“No dinner, no dessert!”
“This is what I made, this is what you’re eating.”
“Just try it once and you’ll see that you like it.”
“Finish everything on your plate.”
“No, I’m not making mac n cheese again.”
It’s common for toddlers and preschoolers and even older children to ask for the same food over and over.
Forcing our child to eat is a natural reaction for many parents. We get caught up in worry and fear that they are underweight, undernourished, underfed and will not meet their developmental milestones. We get caught up in a tizzy that they may not have enough energy or will not grow or thrive. This is so understandable, and a good chat with your pediatrician or pediatric nutritionist is a great place to start.
This is what I know to be true:
Pressuring a child to eat can have a negative impact on their eating habits and how they learn to listen to their body. Eating when we’re not hungry or eating past feeling full can create a problem later on in life.
The flip side of this is restricting food from a child. The consequence of overly controlling what our child eats can create a obsession of that deprived or forbidden food. When we restrict and overly control what our child can eat, it can lead to overeating.
Common situations:
Using food as a reward
Parent puts pressure on child to eat or forces child to eat
Child is a fussy, picky eater with very few food likes and eats so slowly
Child is a constant grazer and doesn’t eat a full meal
Child refuses to eat vegetables or fruits
Child shows a fear of trying new foods
There’s a sensory component to foods that the child experiences strongly
Parent enforces food restriction and food control
Child has to sit at the table to eat
Children and parents eat at separate times
There are actionable steps and solutions:
1.The most important first step we can take in parenting these food situations is to relax, ease up and not make food a big deal. Let this one go.
When we are controlling food; what they can eat, when and how it should be eaten, how much they need to eat, we move into a power struggle. Take the pressure off.
Your child didn’t eat dinner and wants dessert anyway. There’s often a hard no to this one. Let your child decide how much dinner they will eat and from which food group. Put in limits and boundaries in how much treat they can have.
2. Model, model, model. Our child learns to eat food by watching us eat. When our child sees what we eat, how we eat and how we enjoy foods, we create a food culture and define our eating habits. Do you snack on carrot sticks or grab an apple and nut-butter for a midday snack?
3. Children need autonomy in their life, even around foods. No one likes being forced to eat something they don’t want or like. I have always disliked salmon, but I know how healthy it is. I decided to keep preparing it different ways until I found a way that I can eat it and like it the most. It came from me, my desire to want to eat it, and now I mostly like it.
4. All we can control are the groceries we buy and foods we stock in the house. How much they eat is where their autonomy comes in. We want our child to tune into their bodies and identify feelings of hunger and fullness. Dinner is taking forever for them to eat? If you can’t make the time to ride this one out and be patient, calmly take it away and serve it again later. Again, don’t make it a big deal.
5. Keep your child’s age in mind. Most toddlers can’t sit still for more than a few minutes and eat while moving. It’s normal for toddlers to come to the table, eat a forkful, run around, move some and then come back for more. Eating in a restaurant is something most parents love to do and want so badly to do with their family. Let’s remember our child’s age. Kids do best in a restaurant where they can be a noisy, messy child. Leave the nicer restaurants for parents date night out. Grazing can allow for a nutritious day of eating.
6. Offer the same food in different forms. Are steamed veggies a turn off for your child? Offer cut raw or roasted vegetables or add something to dip like guac, hummus or greek yogurt ranch dip. Make it playful and fun!
7. Make sure each meal has a food that they like and will eat. Again, ease the pressure and don’t make it a big deal. When they’re done, they’re done. Small portions feel less intimidating and less overwhelming. We can always give more if they want more.
8. Let them touch, lick their fingers and be messy. I promise you, they will outgrow this stage.
9. Some foods have a sensory component that creates a strong reaction in a child. Applesauce might be too mushy, but a sliced apple might be just right. As a child my husband said he disliked peanut butter but liked peanuts. Now he loves all nut butters.
10. Eat as a family when you are able and keep your expectations age appropriate. Be flexible when your child says no to dinner. Model how you taste new foods, eat healthy foods and eat mindfully, stopping when you are full.
