I Am The Calm I Want My Child To Be Part lll
We dream of a calm, serene home. We dream of waking up gently, a smooth morning, everyone gets dressed as asked, and eats the breakfast we make. We dream of everyone appreciating the dinner we prepared, and bedtime is easy and full of bath time fun, snuggles, books and kisses goodnight.
“Sweet dreams are made of these.” -Annie Lenox.
And then there’s reality. None of this happens the way we want it to, and boy is it infuriating. Our kids do the opposite. They rev up when they should calm down. They delay bedtime and make us late in the morning. They refuse to listen and the yelling begins. We feel frustrated to no end, and they know it.
There are action steps we can take to bring in the calm, to be the change we wish to see in them. We addressed the first few action steps in the previous blog. Here are more anger management action steps you can take, which will help create the family life you dream and envision.
Anger management equips parents with conflict resolution skills, enabling us to resolve disputes with our child in a constructive, calm and non-confrontational manner. “I am the calm I want my child to be.” We own the fact that change begins with us. Problem solving is possible, once we’re in a calm state.
First we take care of ourselves. In the previous blog I talked about self care. Yeah, this really matters. Reread it for a refresher.
Next, we remember to take several deep breaths, walk away, get calm and grounded, and come back ready to model how we manage our own anger and problem solve.
Show How You Model Stress: Model to your child how calm you can be and how you manage to get calm.
Sit quietly for 3-5 minutes, find short (or long) meditation videos on Youtube or your Peleton app and practice this daily. You will notice a difference in your ability to deal and cope. Breathe deeply. It’s okay to say to your child, “I’m going to my room for a few minutes to calm myself down. Then I’ll come back and we’ll figure this out together.” What we model, teaches. Peace begins with me.
2. Show Patience and Empathy: By practicing anger management techniques, parents can develop patience and empathy, which are crucial qualities for understanding and responding to our child's needs. Look at the scenario from their viewpoint, with compassion, empathy, and care.
3. Show Calm Consistency in Discipline: Discipline means to teach. It doesn’t mean to punish, threaten, scream or demand. Consistency means in a similar way, each time, being predictable. Calmly.
4. Use Conscious, Positive Parenting Practices: Focus on encouragement, praise, and positive reinforcement rather than negative reactions, threats and punishment. Find the moments to offer genuine words of love and use praise as an opportunity to give feedback. “Wow, you really put together a great outfit this morning. I love your style!”
5. Model Problem-Solving: Parents with effective anger management skills can approach problems and challenges with a clear mind, leading to more thoughtful collaborative problem-solving. Think about how a top notch, stellar boss behaves, talks and responds, with calmness, clarity and strength. We too can be that calm, strong, yet flexible parent leader.
6. Improved Parent-Child Bond: By controlling anger, parents strengthen their bond with their child, fostering a more trusting and supportive relationship. Fear is replaced by trust, and our child feels like they can come to us no matter what the problem is. Isn’t that what we want?
Change begins with us. A child that is better able to self regulate has a model to learn from, which is us. We can be that change for our child, using mindfulness and conscious parenting.
