Using Conscious, Positive Parenting To Create Family Peace

Family Peace- Sounds blissful, right? Oh, if only.

It’s something so many of us want so badly. At times we think we see it in other families and just don’t know how they do it. You might ask yourself over and over, “What’s their magic? What do they do that we’re not doing?” I know I have! Why does family life look so calm and easy for them while it’s so insane and so hard for me?

Family Peace happens when we first give ourselves grace and treat ourselves gently and kindly. We’re doing the hardest job on earth without a script or manual.

We try to understand our child’s emotions, model the behavior we wish to see in them. We can discard the notion of perfection for it certainly does not exist in family life, and avoid comparing our children to each other or to other kids we know, or wish we had. It’s also the acceptance of what we can and cannot control and the energy we have available.

Here’s the good news. Peace at home exists and can exist in your family too, with tweaks as needed. No two children are alike and no two families are alike. We create a family bliss that matches our family vibe, matches our families energy and our family needs.

In conscious, positive parenting, it’s the tone that we use, it’s the energy we bring, it’s the limits and boundaries in how we communicate and exist with each other. It’s the activites that we play, it’s the dynamic that exists and is cultivated. Family peace is that part of conscious parenting where we accept our child as is and we participate in the robust life of our family, doing what our child loves to do.

Here are some key principles to help create family peace through positive, conscious parenting to bring in family peace:

Build Strong Connections:

• Find Time: Spend time with your children. Engage in activities that promotes connection and brings in joy.

• Active Listening: Listen attentively to your child's thoughts and feelings. Show empathy and understanding. Compassion, empathy and curiosity are our parenting super powers, which helps make family peace possible.

1. Encourage Open Communication:

   • Safe Space: Create an environment where your children feel safe expressing themselves without fear of judgment. “Wow, I saw how strong your feelings were when your sister took your hairbrush. Want to talk about it?”

   • Validate Feelings: Acknowledge your child's emotions and let them know it's okay to feel the way they do. “She took it without asking. I can see how that can make you so angry and want to take something of hers in return.”

2. Set Clear and Consistent Boundaries:

   • Positive Discipline: Use discipline as a teaching tool rather than a punishment. Focus on guiding and teaching appropriate behavior. “What do you want her to know the next time she wants to use your hairbrush?”

   • Consistency: Be consistent and provide a sense of security for your children.

3. Lead by Example:

   • Model Behavior: Children often imitate their parents. Demonstrate the values and behaviors you wish to instill in your children. Be the calm you wish to see in them.

   • Emotional Regulation: Show how to manage emotions constructively, helping your children learn to do the same. What helps you regulate your behavior and emotions? Walk away for five minutes, take deep breaths , use positive self talk. “My child needs to see I am in control of my emotions right now.”

   • Preparedness Creates Peace. Slowing down and preparedness helps bring in calm. What can you prepare so children can do more on their own? What can you have ready and prepared that fills in empty time as needed?

4. Encourage Independence:

   • Responsibility: Give age-appropriate responsibilities, allowing children to develop a sense of competence and independence. Chores and tasks that help the family creates family togetherness; setting or clearing the table, loading and unloading the dishwasher, making salad for the family, helping younger sibling with homework or teaching a new skill.

   • Problem-Solving: Encourage your children to think critically and solve problems on their own, fostering autonomy. “Bette was really angry when you took her hairbrush without asking. What can you do differently the next time?”

5. Practice Empathy and Understanding:

   • Put Yourself in Their Shoes: Try to understand the world from your child's perspective. This can help you respond with empathy and compassion.

   • Peaceful Parenting Happy Kids, by Laura Markham, Ph.D. talks about the importance of empathy, connection and repair. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/peaceful-parents-happy-kids/201601/13-tips-transition-peaceful-parenting

6. Celebrate Successes:

   • Positive Reinforcement: Acknowledge and celebrate your children's achievements, both big and small. Positive reinforcement can motivate positive behavior. “You asked Bette if you could use her hairbrush and she said, “yes.”

7. Adapt to Individual Needs:

   • Recognize Differences: Each child is unique. Adapt your parenting approach to meet the individual needs and temperament of each child. This is essential in positive, conscious parenting.

8. Promote a Positive Self-Image:

   • Encouragement: Offer praise and encouragement for effort, helping each other, perseverance, and accomplishments. This helps build your child's self-esteem.

9. Cultivate a Loving Environment:

   • Express Love: Regularly express love and affection. Create a home filled with warmth and support.

   • Quality Relationships: Foster positive relationships between siblings, reinforcing a sense of family unity.

Positive, conscious parenting is an approach that focuses on building a strong, respectful, and loving relationship between parents and children. It involves being mindful of our actions and reactions, promoting open communication, and fostering a supportive and nurturing environment. Like all change, it starts with us.