You As Parent and Your ADHD Child
It’s still summer here in the north east, and school is still several weeks away. How I love summer. Most children do, too. There’s still time to be outside, to be freer and to run off a lot of energy.
The ADHD and neuro-diverse child. Let’s talk about this highly spirited child. The child that has a battery that wont quit, with energy that has no end. A talker, a thinker, a planner, short attention span, difficulty listening, always interrupting others, fearless, an escape artist, a sensory seeker, a creative doer with one big idea after another. Then there’s the shy more introverted , inattentive child who struggles staying on task and completing even the smallest of asks.
As parents, we find this utterly exhausting, frustrating and maddening. Nothing feels easy or effortless. Ever. If this is you, self care is absolutely needed. Time for your recovery and settling of your mind and your central nervous system is essential. More on this in a bit.
As we approach a new school year and adjust back into sitting in school classrooms for longer periods of time, back to homework and more structure ( which is great,) there’s still the need and time for fun outdoors to help reset our child’s brain and engage their brain and body.
Spending time in nature can have numerous benefits for this and every child's development and well-being. Children with ADHD, hyperactive tendencies and sensory issues, can gain many benefits from time outdoors in nature. Playing outdoors, whether it be in a fenced in yard, a grassy park or field, woodland, rolling down a hill, or collecting and arranging pebbles, stones and sticks, isn’t only fun. It’s necessary. Children who have lots of time outdoors experience less anxiety, attend and focus better, are more confident, and have better resilience. Neurodiverse children are often more calm, can self regulate better and sleep better after time in nature.
Parents need a break. Parents also need tools to manage and get through each day.
Take time to think about your needs. If you are tapped out, parenting this child will deplete you further. What are you craving for yourself? Is it time alone for half a day, or maybe even an hour or a long bath? Is lunch with a friend calling out to you? Maybe you’re missing a little pampering and want an indulgence like a facial or massage? Figure out how to make this happen. A walk in nature often gives us so much with something that is free and accessible. Time in nature resets our brain, calms our own anxiety and awakens our senses.
Positive self talk is a tool. “My child can’t help it. She/he is doing the best they can at this time.” Leading with compassion ( and it’s so hard at times,) will help you not resist what they can’t help, just yet.
Get support. There are many ADHD parent support groups. Find someone to talk to, work with friends for carpooling and scheduling. Divide and conquer with your co-parent or family member or friend. Chadd https://chadd.org/ is a great resource to help you learn more and find a support group in your area.
Get enough sleep each night. Insufficient sleep makes us cranky, irritable and short tempered. This will not help our ADHD child. Nor will it help us. The more calm and grounded you can be, the better you will be able to roll with your child’s behaviors.
Plan ahead and start earlier. The ADHD child ( or any child) dislikes being rushed. Start earlier, remembering that getting out the door on time is a stressor and triggers behaviors. How would 30 extra minutes help you?
Positivity and clarity are essential. Specific praise reinforces what we want them to know to do. “You put your dish in the sink carefully and gently. That’s how they don’t break so easily. Thanks!” “You waited for me to finish talking. That’s great! It helps the both of us. I’m not frustrated and you heard me.”
Your child needs plenty of exercise each day. As parents, we do too. Make time for your own exercise routine. Youtube has limitless short workout videos, gyms open at the crack of dawn. 20 minutes will make an impact in how you feel, and how you respond to your child. Meditate, sit quietly for 5-10 minutes, take a walk outside.
Parenting is never easy. With a neuro-diverse child, it’s even harder. We can’t change or fix this amazing, spirited, often twice gifted child, but we can learn how to parent them from a place of positivity and acceptance for what is. We can’t change them, but we can change how we accept, understand and parent them.
